Don't like my calling

My husband and I are Cubmasters in our ward. It's a difficult calling for us. He doesn't like Scouting. Never has. Thinks is corny and cheesy and a waste of time and effort. We have to bring our kids along. (We have two boys, 2 and 3. Lots of fun to contain.) In case you don't know, Cubmasters are responsible for the pack meeting each month. It's only once a month, but it stresses us out.

We aren't support in the calling by our Primary president. It's not that she doesn't support us, but she doesn't help at all. She's supposed to be in charge of all the cub scouting, but isn't. There is a guide that the BSA puts out each year. It has monthly themes, with activities the leaders are encouraged to do. The activities are very specific - makes it pretty easy for the den leaders who run the weekly meetings. This book also has a specific plan for pack night. It's very handy and helps a lot with planning.

The problem is, our den leaders don't follow the book. They use the Wolf and Bear books (with the boys' requirements) and plan activities from there. (Which is good, too. I wish the activities in the guide books were more directly related to helping the boys pass things off. But they aren't.)

The problem for us comes when it's time to plan pack meeting. We plan it according to the the guide book, to go along with that month's theme. The boys, however, haven't done ANYTHING with the theme that month. So pack night is very random.

For example: One month, the boys did some knot tying, took a bike ride, and and went swimming. The theme for the month was "Abra Cadabera," and pack night was supposed to be all about magic. Isn't that random?

The Primary president should be the one to get everyone on the same page. But she doesn't. It's not my job to tell the den leaders what to do. How to do their job "right." But she's not telling them. So we end up having random pack nights about things the boys have no idea about because they haven't been doing the suggested activities.

Also, we get no help in the planning. We have to come up with the "gathering" activity (usually some sort of craft), the main message (which is all about the theme that they haven't even heard of) another activity, a game, and dessert. And there are only about 4 or 5 boys who come, with one or two parents a piece. It's hard to plan for that size. And the Primary president says, "Call if you need anything," but I don't even know what we need!

I wish I felt like we could asked to be released from this calling.

I'm also the ward organist and am on the enrichment committee (which isn't a slacker calling in my ward.) Husband is a gospel doctrine teacher. Do we really need a second or third calling?

Pack nights are so stressful, and I feel like they are always a bomb. Total suck-fest. Because the boys have no idea of the the theme, and husband and I just pull it out of thin air each month. And it has about that much substance.

I have heartburn

.......and I wish it was because I was pregnant.

I am ready for another child. My husband isn't. Well, he's not ready for me to give birth to one. He wants to adopt. From our state's fostercare system.

I just want a baby. So very much. And I'm young. I don't have problems with fertility, pregnancy, or delivery. He just..............thinks we should adopt.

It scares the pants off me.

I look at my body and wish that I was pregnant so I had an excuse for the extra weight.

But I want a BABY more than I want an excuse for extra pounds.

A girl, to be precise.


sigh. Guess I better go drink some milk.