Thursday, September 3, 2009

Overwhelmed p.s.

I had errors after typing up this post this morning, and thought I had lost half of it. I didn't get the screen telling me my post had been successfully published and I was SO MAD. I'd spent half the morning typing the thing up and getting it off my chest and out there for feedback, just to have it disappear.

So I was pleasantly surprised to see comments in my inbox! Yay!

Emily -- it's definitely not apostate to wonder why the church still uses scouting. I wonder occasionally, and I'm in the program. Something that I learned recently is that the Church continues to use the BSA program because of all the training they offer. No other calling offers the training that scouting does. (Of course, no other program needs it as much. If there weren't so many rules and whatnot, it wouldn't be a big deal!) But that's something I'd never heard before. The Church is a big fan of the safety training, leadership training, etc. So they stick with it. Makes a little bit more sense than "scouting is the activity arm of the priesthood."

And thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I'd post something like this on my other blog, but I don't want members of my ward (who of course read and never comment) to know all this. You ladies rock.

Overwhelmed

I have a serious problem saying no.



I have three callings in my ward. One is music related and easy. I enjoy it. Another is Relief Society related. I love it as well. I feel really strongly about unifying the sisters in our ward. We have a TON of new people moving in, and want every sister to feel like she actually has a sisterhood to turn to if she needs it. I've always played a big role in our activities, but I've recently been asked to serve in a more official capacity. I'm excited about it, because I have lots of ideas and things I want to do.



I have one more calling. It's one I share with my husband. And this is where I struggle. We serve in cub scouts. I served in cubs in my last ward, too. All in all, I've been working with the cubs for over 3 years.



Here are my "issues" with the calling:

• Husband and I share the calling. While sometimes this is nice, it's not ideal for the calling we have. There are several meetings to attend, but only one of us can attend because the other needs to be home with the kids.

• Husband HATES scouts. With the burning passion of a thousand suns. (Well, maybe not quite that much, but almost.) One of the scout leaders from his past is serving a prison sentence for molesting Husband's cousin. Plus, it's so annoying cheesy he just can't stand it.

• I've sent husband to the meetings to get some training, because I know how important training is. I also know that I come home from each training with a new desire to better serve the cubs scouts. But when Husband goes to the meetings..........he seems to get nothing out of it, except for how cheesy everything is. He doesn't take notes. Which leaves me completely high and dry when it comes to planning. So I go to the meetings and he stays with the kids.

• Sharing a calling with your spouse is not easy. It's not like he's the leader and I'm his assistant. Or vice versa. If it were that way, it'd be a lot easier. As it is, I go to the 2 planning meetings, plan everything pack night, run all the errands beforehand, and he executes the actual meeting.



The other issue is that pack night and enrichment are in the same week. One is Tuesday, one is Thursday. It turns into hell week for me. I am not a planner or organizer. I am a habitual procrastinator. There are commities that help plan and execute, but there are always things to be done the day of. Or the day before. And there are ALWAYS things I forget. It would probably be that way even if I were that classic type-A personality. But I'm a pretty laid-back person. I'm not a worrier at all. So I don't ever think about all I need to do until it needs to be done. I go completely crazy stressing that week because I don't stress about it at any other time.



Yesterday I was thinking that I should just try to move one of the activities to a different week. But if enrichment is the first Thursday, it's so early in the month that everyone forgets. It's can't be the second Thursday, because that's our monthly scout planning meeting. It can't be the third Thursday, because all the old ladies in our ward have a book group that they attend, and get their panties in a twist if we plan stuff on that night. So it has to be the 4th Thursday.



I think it would be possible to change pack night. Right now, Round Table, where we get all our helps for the next month, is held on the 2nd Thursday. Then we hold a meeting with the ward we combine with on the third Sunday to plan the next month's pack night and review assignments for the upcoming one. Pack night is the fourth Tuesday, either 2 days or 9 days after that meeting. It's nice to have it scheduled like that because we always review assignments close to the pack night.



If we move pack night to the first Tuesday, it's just farther away from our meeting. Boys will have earned awards we might not be aware of. People (like me) will be prone to procrastinate or forget the things they are supposed to do. If it's the 2nd Tuesday, that's even more likely. And then we have another scouth meeting (Round Table) two days later. If it's the third Tuesday, it's either two days after our meeting or 3.5 weeks after. So really, the 4th Tuesday is the best option.



Which leaves me right where I started.



And have I mentioned that I've become more involved in my community? I'm helping a friend with a production, and have been made a council member.


Like I said, I have problems saying no.



Last week (hell week) I was so stressed. I decided that I was going to talk to the bishop. But I never scheduled an appointment. Then after the week was over, I was like, "Oh, it's really not that bad....." even though it is. We have a lot of new people moving into our ward, and I don't exactly live "in the mission field." There's no reason for a person to have 3 callings in my ward. Especially when we have 2 gospel doctrine classes and two teachers for each class. And THREE people called as substitues. (Isn't that ridiculous?!)



My main reason for deciding against talking with the bishop about it all is Husband. I'm not sure if I've discussed it here, but he's a pretty black and white kind of guy. All callings come from God. Period. "Questioning" your priesthood leaders is walking a dangerous line. You do not refuse callings. Period. When God wants you to be released, He'll release you.



I don't see the world quite like that -- there are shades of gray. For sure. Some callings are 100% inspiration. Others are 50% inspiration, 50% knowing the person has done something similar before. And yet others are10% inspiration, 90% desperation. (I'm sure you've heard that before.) I don't think the fact that I've have music related callings in EVERY single ward I've been in is 100% inspiration.



So I don't think it would be wrong of me to discuss all this with the bishop. I know he doesn't realize all I do. He doesn't know all that I do to plan and execute the meetings that fall within 2 days of each other. He doesn't realize that only one of us is able to attend meetings because the other has to be home with the kids. I don't think it would be a sin to make him aware of that.



The problem comes because I'd like to ask to be released from scouts, but I'm not sure if that's right. I know that I've done a lot for our program. (Arrogant, but true.) We have a small number of boys, and scouts can be difficult when you only have a few boys coming. I arranged for us to combine with another ward and things are running beautifully now. We have enough boys and leaders for everything. Pack night doesn't feel like a total waste of time and effort because we actually have people that attend. It's honestly something I'm proud of. But at the same time, I don't think it's necessarily right for me to say, "I've left my mark -- now release me."

I think it would be better to make the bishop of aware of everything, then let him (or God) decide what I should be released from, if anything. But I don't want to be released from enrichment or being the organist!

Another problem is that when it comes to scouting, there is just SO much to know. I've been working with scouts for 3 years, and I still feel like there's a lot I need to learn. So I'd feel bad asking to leave the calling, knowing that (most likely) someone who doesn't know mucb about scouts would be called. And they'd be even more overwhelmed than I am because they don't know all that I do!! I realize that's the case when anyone gets a new calling, but it's different when you ask to be released from it.

Another problem..........being released from cubs releases Husband, too. I'd feel really bad asking to be released, then both of us being released, when he thinks it's wrong to ask. (You follow?) I feel guilty enough for essentially making the decision not to adopt and have our own child instead, when it's not what he thought we should do. (That's going a bit better, BTW, but there's still some underlying tension.)

So.......I don't know what to do. I think instead of talking to the bishop I'm going to talk to our primary president. That's in keeping with the chain of command, anyway. (Although in a recent scout correlation meeting with the other ward, I mentioned having 2 other callings. The other ward's bishopric counselor in attendance was like "What? You need to talk to Bro. Young about that!" -Bro. Young's a counselor from my ward that he knows- So maybe the fact that a bishopric member told me to talk to another bishopric member is a good enough reason for me to do it.)

What do you guys think?