Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I just found out that

My mom hasn't loved my dad for the last 20 years of their 30 year marriage.

She just "fell out of love." Seriously. Yuck.

Their anniversary is tomorrow.

It'll probably be their last together.

My mom told the Husband a bit about it a few weeks ago and he told me last night.

It's not much of a surprise. I've felt for a few years now like my mom doesn't even like my dad. Doesn't respect him. Thinks everything he says or does is stupid. I don't know why.

I haven't talked to my mom about it yet. It's weird for me to be on the phone with her now because she doesn't know I know.

I realize now that all my passive-aggressive tendencies in my marriage come from her.

Twenty years? Twenty years of trying to love him, or twenty years of resenting him? She apparently has been ready to leave for quite some time but has had trouble convincing my dad to let go.

I think I'm still in shock. I haven't cried yet. I also haven't talked to my parents about it. I live far away from them, so I don't really know them as a unit anymore. I have a relationship with each parent, independent of the other. Honestly, the thing that saddens me the most is how it will affect their relationships with my own kids.

Friday, January 22, 2010

I'm not ready for this

My three year old son just used the bathroom then came and said, "Look, Mom! My pee pee is standing up!"

I am not looking forward to this part of raising boys. ONE BIT.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Update

Things are good. My pregnancy is going well. A few months ago I talked to my bishop, and it was a good talk. He spoke with Husband the next week. I planned on us discussing things then, but it didn't happen.

But Husband and I spent a lot of time together over the holidays and eventually we started talking. I could tell he didn't really want to, but I made him. I talked about being a mom in general, and how much there always is to do. I was 100% honest. Then we started talking about our "intimate" life, and had a great discussion about that, too. Eventually we started talking about the baby, and the girl he wanted to adopt.

I just feels so good to finally be on the same page. As we were discussing the hardest issues, he would say stuff like, "I don't know why we're talking about this. It doesn't change anything." But I told him that we needed to get it out so that we knew what the other was thinking and feeling.

We've been so much closer since then. Our teasing is 100% teasing, and not sarcastic. We're more honest in our lovemaking. Husband even did a small load of dishes last night. (MAJORLY HUGE AND IMPRESSIVE FEAT!!!)

Also on a good note -- we were released from scouting! One month before we were supposed to host the Pinewood Derby! I'm so excited about that.

So things are pretty darn good at our house. I hope Husband and I can keep up the whole "talking about what we're really feeling" thing. Ward temple night is Thursday, and we're going to go if we can find a sitter. It'll be the first time we're in the temple together in.........over a year, probably. Sad, but true. I'm excited for us to be there together, though.