Unmet expectations

My first-grader isn't doing so well at school.

We found out at his parent/teacher conferences that he refuses to write at school. He cries and says it's too hard.

I wasn't at the conferences, so I couldn't ask his teacher this, but my question was WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?!?!?!?

My son behaves like that at home, but I had no idea he did it in school. He kdg. teacher told me that the only time he cried in her class was when I was there and he wanted a hug good-bye.

He's behind 3 levels in reading, too. His teacher said to stop doing the homework she's been sending home because it's too hard for him. She has sent home other activities for us to do.

It's been hard. We spend a lot more time on homework now, because we're doing the extra activities along with the regular homework, since he needs the practice. We're also reading more each day. But it's been a struggle.

Tonight, Husband was helping with homework while I cooked dinner. He asked my son a question, and Son answered it incorrectly. Husband thought Son was getting it wrong on purpose and lost it. Son started to cry, insisting that he didn't do it on purpose and he really didn't know the answer.

Honestly, I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. I know he's done that in the past. When he thinks it's too hard to figure out, he'll just say anything. Which isn't good. But Husband's patience was gone.

The rest of the night was fairly tense. The same Son didn't want to eat his chicken at dinner. Son #2 didn't want to eat his rice. There were tears and serious discussions about children who go to bed with no food.

After dinner, there were fights between the boys. There was weeping and wailing at bedtime. There was anger and pouting during story-time.

I feel like I have failed my children. I haven't taught them enough to prepare them well for school. I should've done so much more with reading and writing. I know it's not too late, but Son #1 is seriously lagging. And Son #2 never finishes anything. He's a great helper at home, but definitely not as self-starter. If it's not fun or doesn't have an incentive attached, he probably won't do it.

Not to mention Son #1's tears. He's 7 and cries at the littlest thing. It's become a real issue and I don't know what to do. I've never wanted my kids to feel like they couldn't cry, and I guess that's back-fired on me.

I just don't know what to do to help them.

I need to pray and take this to my Heavenly Father, because it feels like too much for me to handle.

Update: I've spoken with son #1's teachers. He has done a 180 since parent teacher conferences when we learned of his struggles and started working more intensively at home. He is still behind, but has much more confidence and the teacher is no longer worried about him. Thank you, Father in Heaven.