Crush

I think that two of Husband's friends have small crushes on me. And it's weird. One is about 30 and overweight and unattractive and living of his mom's money -- no real job or direction in life. Pretty pathetic. Whenever he comes over, he somehow finds a way to say, "I'd hug you, but your husband would kill me." Or "I'd say I love you, but I don't think your husband would appreciate that."

He doesn't say it to me privately, Husband can always hear him and is in the room usually. I know the guy thinks he's being funny, but when it happens EVERYTIME he's here (1-3 times/month) it's just awkward. He's always telling Husband what a good wife I am, and how lucky he is.

It's so awkward for me.

The other guy is not so forward. But one time when we were hanging out, I was the only girl in the room, and the guy said to Husband, "May I just say that your wife has some really great legs?" Husband agreed, and I did a little pose, flexing my calves. But almost everytime we hang out with him, he mentions something like, "Where did you find her?" "What I wouldn't give for a woman who does that!"

It's also different because there's a bit of chemistry between us. Nothing huge and sexual and romantically charged, but just a spark. We could be good friends, and I'd probably date him if I weren't married. We just get along, and our personalities mix well. Honestly, he's a lot like my husband.

Now the horrible confession: Husband thinks, would say he knows he's going to die young. Scares the CRAP out of me. There's lots I could say, but I'll try to stay relevant. The thing is, sometimes when I lie awake at night, waiting for Husband to come home, I start thinking, "This is what it would be like if he died. Going to bed alone every night. Would I ever get married again?" And then I think of this guy, and think I'd probably date him, and we might even get married.

I am the most horrible person in the world.